FEAR & Overcoming

Let’s take a moment to touch on just exactly what fear is, shall we? First, fear is an actual, physical reaction, while phobia interferes with your ability to function.

Fear is the main emotion that the amygdala (a small almond shaped part of your brain) is known to control. The amygdala processes things you see or hear and uses that input to learn what's dangerous. Then if you encounter something similar in the future, your amygdala will cause you to feel fear.

Fear is experienced in your mind, but it triggers a strong physical reaction in your body. Your blood pressure and heart rate increase. You start breathing faster. Even your blood flow changes and your brain basically shuts down as your body prepares for action - think Kick, Punch, Run!

So which is it, fight or flight ... or will you freeze?

If you feel your inner super hero rising to the challenge, by all means, please do, give it all you got! But, there is no shame in running for your life. Honestly, you may be doing yourself and possibly others a huge favor by recognizing that you aren’t equipped, and that fighting would not benefit you in any way. Ask yourself, is this really the best place to put my efforts?

When I was about 16, I joined a group of friends on a summer adventure. We were headed to a local park to go “Cliff Jumping”. Seemed like no big deal, its only water and I’m a tough girl so why the hell not? Because, when you hit the water, it hurts (for those of you who ride motorcycles, think rain drops on the face pain) And the momentum of the dive pushes you so far beneath the surface of the water that your sure you’ll never actually reach the surface before you run out of air. As you fall into sheer panic, frantically paddling with no idea just how far the surface actually is ... you finally reach the surface. No sooner do you catch your breath, than you now notice the epic wedgy in your butt. Check please?

Another common response to fear is Freeze. As in deer in the headlights, which reminds me of my fear of heights. So, there I go again ... thinking I will overcome my fear, by soaring 1200 feet above the Royal Gorge on the Worlds Scariest Sky Coaster. I have no actual recollection of the experience other than my stomach churning and the feeling of impending doom while I wondered when we would be hitting the jagged rocks below. My eyes were held so tightly shut I needed to pry them open before I could exit the “ride”. It was that experience that let me give my alter ego the heave-ho for good when it came to pushing her to over the edge of high places.

Overcoming.

Overcoming doesn’t happen because you force it to, like what I was trying to do by finding the most extreme situations I could, thinking I would just get over my fears if I survived the one perilous experience after another. What you can do though, is start by conditioning yourself with intentional, bite sized pieces of those triggering situations. Learn to focus on your breathing and calm when you feel your pulse increase. Envision worst case scenarios to temper your response and seize opportunities to lean in, instead of avoiding what’s uncomfortable. By putting those steps into action, you will slowly retrain your response to certain situations and feel less stress. Overcoming may be fleeting though, especially if you find yourself in unexpected or more extreme situations.

I found a more sustainable way of overcoming, deeper but not complicated. This concept was more of a commitment to my values. For example, my fear of public speaking was quickly squelched when I decided that time is valuable, and I that didn’t believe in wasting time, mine or anyone else’s. So, I got over my own BS about standing in front of a room of my peers to speak because It was more important to me to simply not suck, then to actually waste their valuable time.

Another way I found to over come my fears was in my observations of my own behaviors while under extreme stress. When I am under massive pressure, I am decisive and confident. My objectives are crystal clear, I know without a doubt the best path forward, exactly what action steps are needed and I have no problem designating the players to get the job done. Boom!

It seems to me that during those seasons of challenge, my inner strength quietly steps forward, and with keen awareness she simply handles it. There is no second guessing, no doubt of any kind. She doesn’t let my muddled mind distract me from what she knows to be right. No regrets. Just do.

Certainly I am not suggesting you go in search of hardship to overcome your fears. What I mean is that much of what you aspire to become is already within you. Your desires reflect what you are capable of. You possess all the talents and resources necessary for your unique path. You have everything you need to navigate the obstacles, ideas, chances, interactions, and individuals you will face. Its all right there, just waiting for you to uncover the remarkable potential inside of you.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. -Anais Nin

What I learned from my first German Shepard dog.

Let me establish that having a German Shepherd (GSD) as my first companion pet was, in hindsight, probably not the best choice, but we as animal lovers may not always have a choice, right? If this is you, don’t fret! I have a few insights I can share with you and rest assured, your GSD will be right there to train you too!

First: You need a human pack leader in the home.

I cannot stress this enough! Powerful breeds like GSD’s need a pack leader to create boundaries, set rules and to take the pressure off him or her from becoming the dominant one, resulting in a very big, hard to control and overprotective dog.

Second: Be prepared to spend considerable time and money exercising, socializing and training your German Shepherd.

These dogs need a LOT of exercise, training and socialization around other dogs and people. GSD’s are very high energy and if you aren’t regularly exercising them, they will find another outlet, and believe me when I say this is one thing you really want to avoid.

Third: Proper physical and even emotional care is essential.

GSD’s can be a bit high maintenance, requiring annual vet check-ups, quality food (watch out for allergies!), lots of love, companionship, to feel a part of the family or “pack” and included in the family activities and outings.

Keep in mind: “big dogs wreck stuff” and that is all there is to it.

Aside from learning most of the above information via “the hard way”, my German Shepherds taught me some very valuable life lessons too! To preface, we had two GSD’s, named Zeus and Cooper and they were fairly close in age. Zeus was the younger of the two, we adopted him as a puppy. Cooper came into our lives a little later. We met him at doggy daycare and since his owner worked long hours, Cooper needed a more suitable home. German Shepherds have very independent and distinct personalities, they are stubborn, smart, engaged and also beautiful.

Life Lessons from my GSD #1: Establish your place, early and often.

Without fail every time someone opened the door to go outside, they would push their way out ahead of them and start haggling with each other about who was the dominant one. They would be so wrapped up in it that if you weren’t paying attention to the foray, you were likely to get knocked over while they duked it out. To this day, we still aren’t sure who actually was the dominant one but we believe Zeus, held the position most often. Because Zeus was such a snob, his motive would be simply to maintain his position on the “throne” and on the flip side, dominance wasn’t really high on Cooper's priority list. The point here is that, you need to know your place and constantly challenge the status quo, ready to step in and lead if needed.

Life Lessons from my GSD #2: Know thyself and defend your values to the end.

German Shepherds thrive when given a “job” or role in the family. In ours, Zeus was the “alerter” of other humans and potential “Stranger Danger”. Cooper kept an eye on the animal population and mitigated that threat quite regularly. Their one priority was to protect us. They knew this to their core, they never deviated, and Zeus was exceptionally committed. You should know that, Zeus broke his hip when he was a puppy and because he was young, his body adapted and he lived a very full active life, Aside from the bump near his right hip, you would have never known he didn’t have an actual ball and socket hip joint. With that said, Zeus was also a very stubborn and stoic young man with little in the way of a sense of humor. He took his duty to ensure our safety quite seriously, whether we liked it or not. Unless of coarse said stranger offered cheese or a pat on the head to which he would walk away, tail wagging for a job well done. More importantly though, he and Cooper believed they had the most important job in the world. So, they didn’t shrug it off, they didn’t sleep in or allow any distraction to keep them from fulfilling that mission, ever. This was their “one thing” and they fearlessly, relentlessly honored it.

Life Lessons from my GSD #3: Dedicate yourself to the ones you love, unapologetically.

Unconditional love is just one of the many perks of owning a dog and German Shepherds are no exception. You’ll find that your GSD will follow you everywhere, much like a velcro dog, while they earnestly and constantly check on your wellbeing. They can act like giant lap dogs with no concept of their size. They lean their heavy bodies into your leg, sit on your feet, or push their noses into your hand, basically saying, I love you, and I feel safe with you. They will insist on sleeping in your bed with you, trapping you in place. They are intuned to your well being, comfort you when you need it, and gaze into your eyes with deep affection. Shamelessly.

Life lessons from my GSD #4: Keep them guessing!

I mentioned before that Cooper came into our lives a little later, he was about two years old I think. His previous owner worked in the medical field and had him trained in search and rescue. To say he was more clever than the average pup is an understatement. Cooper would open doors. He regularly let himself outside, to go potty, to chase off deer or other animals and then let himself back in. He would also open the treat drawer and pry caps off containers to feast on his favorite delights. He was exceptionally good at retrieving rocks we threw into the woods too. Thing is ... he never opened doors, drawers or jumped out windows in front of us. Of course, we knew he was the one who licked all the frosting off the cupcakes on the counter or pulled the roaster down onto the floor to eat an entire ham. He just never performed any of his best tricks while we were watching. Cooper was a very sweet, playful, happy and humble guy. He didn’t need to show off. He was smart, strong and beautiful and he had nothing to prove to anyone.

One thing I'm certain of is that dogs have a unique way of navigating the world. They are genuine, inquisitive, altruistic, and always show their emotions openly, or should we say, "paw-ly." Dogs don't criticize; they just relish existence. Their hearts are content, even when their food bowl is empty. They desire nothing, yet radiate happiness at the mere presence of their loved ones. Dogs embrace the here and now, living with appreciation and simplicity. They are a gift, and we are blessed to have them.

i love change

So much so that I spend endless hours crafting “something new” quite often!

Have you ever been so passionate about something that you wake up at 3 a.m. just to dive into it?

That's the level of excitement I have about starting this blog … sort of.

Known for spontaneously offering advice throughout the day, I believe I may have valuable insights to help others navigate challenges and avoid heartache – a truly meaningful endeavor. Who am I to think I possess such vast and useful knowledge? No one special. I'm just like you, with a sprinkle of dry humor, impatience, and a touch of OCD.

Identified as an enthusiastic observer, I embody traits of intuition, curiosity, and analytical thinking. Being the youngest among five siblings in the typical dysfunctional household of the 70s and 80s, I am accustomed to lively family gatherings filled with great music, beer, wine, loud laughter, and shenanigans. I love to sing! In the car, at home, at church, and even at the local bar. Drawing inspiration from designing interiors, fashion, and art, I have a keen interest in organizing events and hosting get-togethers. Animals, especially dogs, hold a special place in my heart, and they seem to like me too. I like being active in the outdoors, especially camping, kayaking, bicycling, and road trips. I prefer mountains and pine trees over beaches and palms. I really like winter, although fall is my favorite season – albeit secretly wishing it were spring for its sense of renewal.

Having served others since a young age, I've learned about cause and effect and people's general responses in various situations. Each person has a unique way of navigating life, which I find fascinating. With 52 years behind me, I've experienced love, loss, hurt, resilience, fairytale romances, scandalous relationships, abuse, neglect, joy, beauty, and overcoming tough times unexpectedly.

“IF THERE IS ONE THING I KNOW, ABSOLUTELY, ITS PEOPLE.

Blended families, toxic relatives, addiction, the miracle of birth, and the vulnerability of innocence are all parts of my journey. Coming from hardships, I've learned to present myself for success and have witnessed the transformative power of God's love in my life and others'. In my roles, I've balanced being a relational person and a female leader in a male-dominated industry. As an introvert who finds solace on stage, I've been a confidant countless times and discovered there's little I can't handle – except reaching the hot sauce on the the top shelf at the grocery store without climbing up there.

Spending a significant amount of time alone, reflecting, and brainstorming ways to bring joy and aid others in succeeding fills my days. I ponder ways to contribute positively to the lives of those I love and strive to make a difference daily. Not one to give up easily, life's hurdles only show another step ahead, and another after that. Life is designed that way.

I invite you to stay and visit often as I delve into topics like relationships, leadership, success, failure, cooking, interior design, artwork, camping, teamwork, perseverance, and while I contemplate the grace of God and His role in bringing peace and purpose to our lives.